Tag: death

In an Instant

By Joy Dunkelbarger-Reed

March 1, 2015 11:35 am

Message from my friend, Daniel:

“Joy, call me ASAP.”

I knew in an instant something had happened to my husband, Brent, or else he would have been the one calling me.  I was praying my son, Blake, was safe.

The few minutes that went by seemed like hours, but finally I was able to talk to Daniel. There had been an accident at the Imperial Sand Dunes where they had gone camping for the long weekend. A bunch of them, including my husband and son, had gone, and five of them were in our sand car. My husband was driving, my son in the passenger seat and our friend, Daniel, and two other adults were in the back seats. They had been going up and down Test Hill.

If you have driven to San Diego on I-8 about 20 miles west of Yuma, you’ve seen it.  It is the big sand hill just north of the interstate with the American Canal running along the base. Trips up and down the hill had been done hundreds of times throughout past trips. This trip, the third time down the hill and as they were making a U-turn to go back up, they lost control.  The front wheel of the car caught in the sand and sent them flipping up into the air and over a large berm. They crashed down hard and rolled into the canal at the bottom of the hill. The water was about 20 feet deep.

Daniel said everyone in the car was able to get out, except my husband. They had tried to swim back down to the car, but the current was too swift, and they were not able to reach the car. I was praying he was able to get out of his seat belts and had just been washed down the canal in the strong current and was holding on to the edge somewhere.

I was in a panic on the phone. My daughter watched me.  She was frightened and confused.  I had to get there as soon as possible. It was a three and a half hour drive. I was ready to go, but I wasn’t in the position to drive myself and my daughter.  I was able to contact friends to take me, and my daughter was able to stay with my best friend. It was a very long drive. I got a call about half way there that they had pulled the car out of the water, and my husband was still strapped in his seat. He had drowned.

I was numb. My only goal now was to be there for my son. Just as we were nearing the turnoff, I saw the severely mangled car on a trailer on the highway going the opposite direction.

Finally I was able to be with my son, and thankfully he was physically uninjured with the exception of a few bruises. They didn’t want him to see the car being pulled out of the water so they had taken him away from the crash site. He was in the RV. As I walked in, he ran to me.  He was crying and scared. I held him, and I had to tell him his daddy was dead. His fear turned to anger. How could God let this happen?  He threw his bible down. I told him it was okay to be angry. God has big shoulders and could take it.

“It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”  Deuteronomy 31:8

The ride home was even longer and extremely painful. We arrived home and I now had to tell my daughter her daddy was dead. The only peace I had during this was knowing that Brent knew Jesus and he was in heaven.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”  John 3:16

Brent was kind and loving. He was a good father. My children’s earthly father was gone, but their Heavenly Father, has been, and will continue to be there for them.

Up until the morning of March 1, 2015, my story consisted of being a wife and a mom to an 8-year-old son and 6-year-old daughter.  I was a daughter, a sister, a friend, and a pharmacist. The list goes on, but just like that, in an instant, “wife” was swapped out for “widow.”  I was a widow?!

We all have a story and this was NOT how MY story was supposed to go! Instantaneously and violently the pages of the story I had written had been ripped out and replaced.  My story, as I believed at that point in time, was rewritten as a horror story, a horror story filled with body-trembling fear, chest-crushing anxiety, disbelief by the minute, extreme anger and any other terrible emotion imaginable.

Several days after the accident my son and I were talking. I asked him what he remembered.  Did he remember being in the water and how he got out?  It was just assumed that my husband had helped him, but if my husband were able to help Blake, I believe he would have gotten out also. Blake said he remembers the wheel breaking off, the car flipping and landing in the water.  Then he said he tried to lean forward and wasn’t able to move. The car has five point harnesses which aren’t necessarily easy to get out of in a calm situation, let alone under water after a crash.  He said he just wanted to go to sleep.  He looked up and could see the sun shining down through the water.  He said he prayed for God to help him get out of the seat belt.  He leaned forward again and was able to get free and swim to the surface. He was wearing shoes and a heavy jacket so that made it difficult to swim. God immediately answered his prayer for help to get out of that car.

As I look at the original message from Daniel, for only the second time since it was sent, I am now two years into the pages of my “new” story.  But is it really a “new” story?  Perhaps to me it is, but as far as God is concerned, it isn’t. My story was already written specifically for me by Him.  He knew exactly what was going to happen that March morning, every day before and every day after. We all have a story given to us by God and He trusts us with those stories.

God allowed the accident to happen.  My faith and trust in God was great before the accident, but they have grown exponentially since.  Looking back on it, I can recall specific situations before the accident where God was preparing me for this part of my story.  People say, “God won’t give you more than you can handle.” I believe this statement is true as long as you allow Him in so that He can help you handle it. I could not have survived any of this on my own.

This journey has been anything but easy.  There has been extensive pain throughout, both seen and unseen, but with His presence there has been unexplainable peace, answered prayers, major growth, multiple lessons and blessings experienced.  He has a plan for my story, and I will continue to trust His plan with all my heart.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”  Jeremiah 29:11

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

The Swing

A Poem By Dr. Deb Waterbury

Chubby hands clutching the ropes,                                                                                                                                                       “Higher! Higher,” she squeals.                                                                                                                                                               Only clouds and sun and sweet wind                                                                                                                                                    kiss her face.                                                                                                                                                                                              No cares, no worries.                                                                                                                                                                               Nurturing hands push her upward.

More securely now, small hands on the ropes,                                                                                                                                   “Higher! Higher,” she screams.                                                                                                                                                             Bows and ribbons and grass and tops of trees;                                                                                                                                   Innocence on her lips,                                                                                                                                                                             sweetness and life.                                                                                                                                                                                   Protective hands push her onward.

Careless and dauntless she climbs now.                                                                                                                                               “Higher! Higher,” she demands.                                                                                                                                                           The world at her fingertips and knowledge                                                                                                                                          a thing to be won;                                                                                                                                                                                     independence on her lips.                                                                                                                                                                       Still guiding hands push her forward.

Smoothly and effortlessly she soars,                                                                                                                                                     “Higher! Higher,” she yells.                                                                                                                                                                   Ambiguous horizon and ambivalent sighs,                                                                                                                                         the climb ever necessary,                                                                                                                                                                         the tasks ever present.                                                                                                                                                                             There, gentle hands push her through.

Slowly and painfully she grasps the ropes,                                                                                                                                         “High enough. High enough,” she says.                                                                                                                                              Darkness and relief and calming storms                                                                                                                                             fill tired eyes.                                                                                                                                                                                              A hush, a whisper, a breath.                                                                                                                                                                  Gently now, tender Hands bring her home.

Long arms and strong legs swing effortlessly,                                                                                                                                    “Perfect! Perfect,” she sings.                                                                                                                                                                  Light and Love and Joy sing with her,                                                                                                                                                 life dancing in her eyes,                                                                                                                                                                           laughter behind and all around.

Redeeming Hands hold her,                                                                                                                                                                  and love her,                                                                                                                                                                                              and push her…

Swinging                                                                                                                                                                                                                   Swinging                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Swinging.